Welcome to the June edition of the Insecure Writer's Support Group! This is the brainchild of Alex J. Cavanaugh, and I encourage you to check out his blog and join the list. Baring your insecurities in public has never been so fun!
Here's a question for you: has anyone ever made you feel bad about what you write (and yes, I know the Eleanor Roosevelt quote that says no one can make you feel inferior without your permission, but still...)? I've had this experience several times, usually at a conference. I'll meet another writer, ask them about their work, and when they find out I write romance, the conversation tends to shut down.
"Oh," they'll say, their eyes casting about for someone else to talk to. "I don't really read _those books_." Insert a smirk and a scoff, and a remark about 'real' writing.
Why do we do this to each other? Why do we try to make other authors feel that their work is somehow 'less,' whatever that means? Can't we support each other, and celebrate the fact that there is diversity and limitless creativity in the writing world?
Maybe that's a little too kumbaya of me, and maybe I'm being naive, but I don't think of writing and publishing as a zero-sum game. Rather, the success of other writers, regardless of genre, will only serve to help the community as a whole. Haven't we seen time and again that the runaway success of one book will boost sales of others in that genre? People find something they like to read, and it causes them to explore other options. Everybody wins.
So what's your response when someone dismisses what you do? How do you keep their scorn and negative attitude from getting you down?
I think people like that are insecure about their own possibility of success, so they pick on others. I hope you don't let it keep you down. Romance is a great genre to many. There's not any genre that pleases everyone! Keep the ink flowing. :) Writer’s Mark
ReplyDeleteYou're right--not every genre is for every person. Which is part of what makes it so great, right? :-)
DeleteBy knowing this person truly has no significance in my writing life. Sadly in my case that includes family members but you have to separate your writing support from other things sometimes. Just keep going and knew we writers out there believe in each other.
ReplyDeleteJune 2013 IWSG Co-host
I can't imagine how hard it would be if my family and those close to me didn't support my writing--you have my sympathy and respect!
Delete1) You are not being naive or kumbaya or any other negative adjective, you are being wise by not letting the haters get you down. The writing community IS an amazing place full of amzingly supportive people like you who offer nothing but hope and inspiration to other writers. Don't ever doubt that spark, it's what makes you YOU and you are awesome!
ReplyDelete2) I've seen a lot of people take attitude towards romance or fantasy or a whole host of other generes. For the most part these attitudes come from the same place that all predjudice- from racism to sexism and everything inbetween- comes from: ignorance. They read one bad romance novel and assume they know everything the genre has to offer. Close-mindedness prevents them from trying out anything else and they dismiss a whole host of amazing writers because of this. It's sad, but it's sort-of how the world works.
Thankfully, there are a whole lot of open-minded people out there who will try new books, new writers and new generes and will find themselves grateful for being willing to try. Focus on them, cause they are your current and future readers. And forget about the haters- they're only hurting themselves.
Aww, you're so sweet! And you're right--it's better to focus on the good than the bad, and on the fact that the majority of people will try something new.
DeleteThat's just mean is what it is :(
ReplyDeleteDon't let them get you down. Don't do it Lara! lol
Unfortunately for me, there are a lot of family members who constantly make people feel bad for attempting to follow their dreams. I could see them totally rolling their eyes and laughing behind my back about me becoming an author... if they knew. I chose not to share anything with them because I don't need the negativity. Count me in for the Kumbaya :D
I'm sorry you have family members who don't think what you do is cool--if you ever need a boost, just drop on by! We have to support each other! :-)
DeleteI have worried about the same dismissive reaction when I tell people I'm a writer. The immediate question comes 'so, what have you published then?', and when I say 'not much' they laugh as though I'm a fake.
ReplyDeleteBut writing isn't just about the publishing part, it's also about the WRITING. I'm getting more comfortable and don't care anymore. I'm a writer and I'm happy. If they aren't happy that's their problem.
You are so right--'writer' means 'to write' not 'to publish' after all.
DeleteI think people are so quick to dismiss writers because they have a stereotypical image in their mind about the unemployed 'writer' who lounges around in pajamas all day, watching tv. What they don't understand is that those people aren't writers. ;)
I haven't, as yet, had anyone tell me something negative to my face, but on my amazon reviews and other sites reviews I've had some that weren't wonderful. It does affect me, I can't lie about that. I just have to pick out what is good and remember they really had to search for something bad to say! I also have to take lots of deep breaths, cry sometimes, and go on. And I will never dismiss a romance writer!!! After all, romance is a full 50% of the entire book market! So let them scoff!
ReplyDeleteCriticism is always hard to hear, no matter how thick your skin. Good for you for taking a minute to cry and then moving on! :-)
DeleteIt is sad that there are those who truly believe they're more special or at least better than other writers. Don't get it. I've had the same response from "literary" writers at retreats. Shocked the heck out of me that they somehow thought I wasn't worth getting to know because I write suspense novels. I've learned that the momentary feeling of inadequacy will and does pass quickly.
ReplyDeleteTell me about it--what's so bad about genre? I really don't get it. Just like I don't want to eat broccoli at every meal for the rest of my life, I don't want to only read literary or genre novels. Variety is a good thing!
DeletePutting others down to make yourself appear superior...it's just so wrong and don't you let it get to you. Those people have bigger problems than to do with their writing abilities, imho.
ReplyDeleteYou're probably right--I hadn't considered that before. Next time I'll tell myself, "It's not me, it's them." :0)
DeleteI surround myself with amazing people like you. And avoid the nitters. Like the plague.
ReplyDeleteI think what I find more painful...is when I fall off the map of a former pre-published writer-friend who gets published. That hurts more than any stranger's comment ever could.
That's so true--regardless of the sphere (writing, other pursuits), there's nothing quite like the pain of being dismissed by a friend who's 'made it.'
DeleteThis is a hard one. I try never to ask/notice what genre authors I meet write. Usually, the nicest ones I've interacted with write things I'd never read, but the ones who write in or close to my genre can be abrasive. It's confusing...
ReplyDeleteI always love to talk to writers in other genres--they have a different take on things and their genre tropes are not always the same as my genre tropes, so I feel like I learn a lot from them.
DeleteSorry you've had that happen. Romance is a much broader category than most people realize and it's one of the only categories that shows up in almost every other genre. I mean, almost every book has some element of romance or relationships right?
ReplyDeleteHadn't thought of it like that before, but you're right! :)
DeleteAgree with SP. Romance gets a bad rap it doesn't deserve. I'll be the first to admit there are some cheesy ones out there, but most of the romance novels I've read are pretty good. And many are outstanding.
ReplyDeleteDon't let rude people get you down. Take pride in what you write. :)
IWSG #123, until Alex culls the list again.
Thanks, Melissa! I appreciate the comment. :)
DeleteI haven't had this exact experience, but I have had to deal with some folks putting down books or music I like. In these instances, if forced to respond, I tend to say something along the lines of, "I take it you don't enjoy (insert thing here)," or, "Different strokes for different folks." If I sense the person may be relatively intelligent, I might add that, as a rule, I don't feel it's anyone's prerogative to abuse another's creative expression, though I respect folks pointing out what does/doesn't work for them about a thing, vs. simply panning it as "bad."
ReplyDeleteSome Dark Romantic
I don't mind at all when someone says they don't like romance. What bugs me is when they go on to say that romance is inherently bad and somehow 'less' than other genres. Like you, I try for a balanced response--"not all books are for all people" kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteEr, besides the time a friend, on finding I was writing a romance, asked whether I had many 'heaving bosoms' in it?
ReplyDeleteI don't understand the need to denigrate either, no matter what the art. Of course we each have preferences. But if someone comes up to me - at a conference devoted to the trade, no less! - and belittles my genre, well, really, what are they trying to achieve?
On another note, still hoping to get to Surrey this year!
Oh, I really hope you make it to Surrey! [fingers and toes crossed]!
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